It’s been quite a process for me to create this website. To package who I am, into a platform, to communicate and express who I am and what I offer has been challenging.
I found myself vacillating between self expression and creativity to marketing language and branding.
I get it. We live in a capitalistic system. I get it, our work, our service, our way has value. I get it, that in this modern world, value is associated with money, money is associated with success, success is associated with how high you are in the system of capitalism. So, to have value in yourself, you must place your service into this system to succeed- at least this is what I have been told.
I am struggling with this.
Here is what feels true to me:
I don’t believe in this system.
I do believe one of my missions in life is to help create new systems to replace the one we have been in.
This model of capitalism exploits, commodifies, and profitizes off of life and the sacred.
Can there be a model of conscious capitalism? One that is more fair and equitable? Perhaps. Though I am honestly doubtful of that approach.
Capitalism is designed in a power-over paradigm.
I do think there could be more ethics inside of it, that is for certain.
And still, when I go here, when I am tying my “work” into this system I get stuck.
I often get the reflection, that you need to value what you do.
The truth for me, is that I already do. I hold a lot of value in healing, I hold a lot of value in the power of circles, I hold a lot of value for the teachings that have been given to me. I hold a lot of value in my life and what I do. It is my life force, my mission, my purpose, it is why I am here.
It makes me wonder why a dollar value is the only way to measure something’s worth? For me it is just not true. And to be honest, I believe we have put dollar value on things that I believe are unethical.
I think the apex of this truth comes with the reality that we put dollar value on water. Water has literally become a huge multi million dollar industry. The one substance on this Earth we can not live without for even a day. The substance that is literally life.
So we live in a time when we put a price on almost everything. Almost everything is an industry now. And that goes for spiritual healing as well.
I don’t want to come across as criticizing those that are at peace with creating a business brand as part of their spiritual offerings. Or those that feel at peace with putting a price on what they do. It is just that it is not true for me. And I hope for the same respect in return.
It reminds me when I was younger, I had a lot of health issues, and I ended up having to eat really clean foods. If I ate “normal” food, I would have a flare up and not feel well. I often felt people around me criticizing me for what I was eating, and I could often feel a defensive projection coming towards me- as if I was somehow saying that everyone should eat this way because I wouldn’t eat what they were eating. That is simply just not true for me.
I think we all have a different experience with what is in front of us. Sure, some things do feel like there is a line. Some things are just wrong. And many things are a spectrum of what feels good and aligns for some, does not always for others.
Because I step out of the social norm doesn’t translate to me saying the social norm is not ok. It means it doesn’t fit me. If it fits some, then great.
So when I speak from a place of not feeling in alignment with putting my work into this system, I am not saying others shouldn’t. I am saying for me, it doesn’t work. When I go there inside, I start to feel like a hypocrite. I start to feel like a sell out. I start to feel like I am forsaking my mission and my purpose. And I start to have a deep sensitivity of all the teachings I have received from indigenous people. And how there has been such exploitation of ceremonies, rituals, and traditions. And how many people are profiting off of them.
I do my best to be aware of cultural appropriation at all times. I do my best to digest the beautiful teachings of the indigenous in my life, and weave in my own tradition, and find the common threads. It often feels like those teachings have been a present day reminder of something that has been buried within myself. (that’s a story for another share)
So all of this speaks when I go here. When I stand at this precipice.
Of wanting to feel success.
Of wanting to feel like I am “making something” with my life.
Of wanting to be fully in my work and communicate what I do.
How do I do it, with integrity intact and an honoring of the truth that exists within me?
So here I go. I’m going to try. I’m going to do my best to shift even a few degrees so that it is not the same as it was, so that some change starts to get infused in, so that it is not the status quo.
So yes, I believe I can experiment here.
I believe I can self express, as well as have my offerings listed here.
And I believe I can communicate about the importance of reciprocity.
And I believe I can do that without my offerings having a price attached.
And I believe I can do this because I value what I do.
I love what I do.
Being in circles of healing, and remembering ancient ways, ancient traditions, ancient rites and rituals, is vital to me.
So I bring back the teachings, to have what I do be a service.
And as I create this website, I’m seeing it’s giving me pause to ask how I express who I am and what I do.
Which is all a great experiment of how well I know myself.
So here we go……